She's Winning

I did it.  I hit “send.”  There it is in black and white in my sent box.  I’ve been planning for this.  I’ve confidently, verbally communicated it to all of the right people over the last two months.  But today, as I’m two weeks out from becoming a stay at home Mom, I had to  submit my formal resignation saying farewell to my corporate life.  While I know this is the right move for me at this point in my life, seeing it in black and white has set off a roller coaster of emotions: I’m grieving.   I think I’m grieving the loss of a previous version of myself.  Perhaps it is the childless version that felt so passionate about her work.  It was the me that always felt like I had it all together.  And the me that viewed “success” as raises and moving up the ladder at work. I’m refreshed.   I’m refreshed when I remind myself that the person I’m grieving was the me that hadn’t yet realized that having children would change...

"Talk to people about it.  Don't let it be taboo.  It shouldn't be.  It's 2011"   These were the last words of advice from my Dr. on that unforgettable day 4 years ago.  That day I walked into her office filled with excitement.  I was going to see an ultrasound of my baby for the first time.  Even though I wasn't "supposed to" yet, I had spent the last few weeks dreaming and planning.  I was SO excited!  Is it a boy or a girl?  What will we name him or her?  What will they look like?  And how big will they smile?  That's what Mothers do from the moment they see the two lines on the stick. I walked out of her office feeling completely empty.  I went to the lab to have my blood drawn so they could track my hormones while this heartbreaking moment played out.  The nurse taking my blood asked me why I was having a miscarriage.  "Did you lift  something you shouldn't have?"  How could a nurse ...

When you first become a parent, every single outing is a HUGE deal.  You have to pack your diaper bag with diapers, bottles, wipes, back-up clothes, back-up clothes for the back up clothes and EVERY POSSIBLE ITEM there’s even the slightest chance you will need. Just in case the world ends while you go out for pizza, you have canned goods in your bag.  When you are out in public and the baby cries, you completely stress out.  Not only because you are new to parenting and crying still freaks you out, but you are also worried about what everyone around you thinks.   They are all looking at me!  What if they know that I don’t know what I’m doing?   I hate to break it to the new parents but it’s kind of a well-known fact that parenting doesn’t come with a handbook.  Everyone DOES know that you don’t know what you are doing.  And it’s okay!  You will learn to stop caring, trust me. Flash forward a few years.  You hav...

"Stick by your man, even if he dies"  was the advice my grandmother gave my sister at her wedding shower and it stuck with me ever since.   She was 89 years old at the time and told things like they were.  There was no more fluff, there was just real.  Behind this statement was a love that stood the test of time, a lasting love that she hoped my sister would also experience.  My grandfather had passed away when she was only 58 years old and their 5th child had just become an adult.  He was her one true love, her soul-mate.  She'd never find another him.  She never wanted to.  My grandmother lived to be 90 (she spent 32 years without him).  I was there when she passed away and I can promise you that she was reunited with my grandfather in that moment.  I had never before seen a smile on her face as big as the one she had when she took her last breath.  Seei...